Acceptance disguised as kindness

accept: [ak-sept] 1. to take or receive (something offered); receive with approval or favor: 2. to agree or consent to; accede to: 3. to respond or answer affirmatively to:

kind: [kahynd] adjective 1. of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, as a person; 2. having, showing, or proceeding from benevolence: 4. indulgent, considerate, or helpful; humane:

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[readolog_dropcap ]A[/readolog_dropcap]cceptance and kindness are not the same. As a transperson, I’m expected to be delighted because someone has decided to accept me (despite being trans). I’ve even felt relief and happiness when someone has accepted me. Like there was something so desperately wrong with me that just merely being received was a kind gesture. That’s changing for me.

By seeing acceptance as kindness I’ve fed into the narrative that I deserve less than cisgender people. That transpeople as a whole are to be tolerated and, at best, accepted. Transpeople are literally trying to survive. Because of the constant violence and discrimination, we expect to be rejected so we gobble up any form of acceptance. We forget that we deserve so much more. We feel lucky to be alive. To have someone by our side. But we deserve kindness.

Often I speak up when I’m being mistreated and I’ll hear, ‘I’ve always worked to accept you.’ Bravo! Guess what, it doesn’t mean you’ve shown me kindness. It’s nice to be accepted and it’d be great if as a culture we accepted transpeople. However, the act of accepting is not a kindness.

My life is beautiful because I surround myself with people that support me, celebrate me and show me kindness. And now, I’m going to stop being surprised and grateful when someone accepts me. I deserve that much. I’ll be grateful when you are kind to me.

And so many of you have been so kind. Thank you.