Why I removed my blog
I had this blog removed from the HuffPost but left it on my website. When I published it here I had some positive reaction from transpeople. When it reached a wider queer population via HuffPost a couple of things were brought to my attention. One I used the word ‘lifestyle’ which implies my trans status is merely a choice. The line was this ‘They just can’t align my lifestyle with their convictions and beliefs. Just like I can’t align their lifestyle with mine.’ I’ve since changed it to ‘identity’ here instead of ‘lifestyle.’ By saying lifestyle I made it out that it’s something I can change. The second point was that this piece could be used by someone to justify misgendering a transperson. I would never want my work to be used that way. I’ve kept the blog on my personal website because my intentions were to tell my story. It’s a delicate time for trans stories and I need to be careful how I frame/word my more public posts.
There are two standards I have when it comes to my writing: Not dragging unwilling participants into my pieces and not causing any more damage to the transpopulation. I took the blog down from such a public space because I feel like it violated my second standard. I want to tell a rich, truthful version of my experience but also frame it in a way that won’t be damaging to others. I’ve had negative feedback on my ‘5 things I learned from T’ blog as well but I didn’t think it could be used as a tool or excuse to misgender a transperson. I’m always willing to listen and learn from the trans and queer population. As my writing becomes public I’m learning a lot from the community. Keep it coming.
Ok. So, I’ve explained the reasons and what happened, now let me explain why being too careful can be problematic.
Radically unreachable
The reason I’ve become public with my story is to educate people about gender and gender variance. I try to write in a way that’s accessible to the general public. I write with a vulnerability that I hope reaches beyond my experience and speaks to others with the common language of emotion. My friend Colleen said this about the blog I took down, “I kind of hate that there’s so much looking at the letter and so little at the spirit in our public discourse, if you get me.” Me too. I’m writing about the spirit of my journey, the emotion behind the change.
I’ve found I’ve created the greatest change when I tell my story with raw exposure rather than caution. I’m not suggesting this is how all transpeople should tell their stories or that all transpeople should even have to tell their stories. What I am asking is that I’m allowed to reach my audience the way I know will create the greatest change. When we get so deeply rooted in our cause that we can’t see the other person’s side we lose our ability to change the world. If you can’t imagine how another person, even one that hates you, is feeling or thinking then you won’t reach them. I’d like to change my world. I want to make it a safer place for transpeople, gender-variant people. I want everyone to be able to express gender however they see fit.
In order for this happen my message has to reach many and those I reach have to feel comfortable asking questions. As transpeople we live in a world with hostility directed at us daily. Let’s not reflect hostility back. The way into someone’s heart is through kindness and openness.
And yes, I acknowledge there are some jerks who will never change and who are simply out to hurt us. Those people are radical and unreachable and what I fear is that some of us are becoming that way too.
My promise
I will be more aware about my HuffPost blogs in the future. I don’t want my work to be a tool for damaging another transperson. I will listen to feedback from the community and give it deep reflection. I welcome all criticism. It’s how I’ll grow.
I will blog freely and openly here because my heart is one of an artist. I need freedom to express myself. I don’t want to carry the weight of telling THE trans story but I do recognize I can’t control my story being used as a generic trans story for others. Words are powerful and yet they are just symbols we invented and smashed together. Ain’t it crazy?
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